Drawing the lines

Finding privacy and space at work

June 20, 2000
Web posted at: 1:43 p.m. EDT (1743 GMT)

By Michele Woodward

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(womenconnect.com) -- Work has replaced the home as the place where people spend most of their waking time, making privacy in the workplace much more difficult to achieve. Add in the "cubicle factor" -- proximity plus deplorable acoustics -- and just about everyone in the office can hear nearly everything anyone else says.

Today's offices are simply not private places. E-mail is sometimes accessible by more than the recipient, mail is often screened and telephone calls may come through a central switchboard. Pushing hard against privacy, too, is the notion that somehow the people you work with constitute a kind of "family" -- that they should mean more to you than just people you work with.

How do you keep your personal things private in this context? When is it beneficial to talk with your co-workers and when is it important to keep your mouth shut and not share information?

Martha Blechar Gibbons, Ph.D., a nurse and psychotherapist in private practice in Maryland, says she agrees that work boundaries are hard to establish and maintain. Before sharing personal information with a co-worker, Gibbons suggests you ask yourself exactly how sharing the information will benefit you, and how will it benefit the person you are sharing it with.

If you're after positive feedback, Gibbons says, decide whether that person you're confiding in is the appropriate one to provide it to you. Is the person your boss? Your subordinate? A peer? An ally or an enemy? How will your disclosure benefit them? If the answer is "not at all," then think twice about what you say.

And think through what happens once you've shared -- what will happen to the information? Gibbons warns that inappropriate sharing can come back to haunt you, perhaps being used in the future to discredit or undermine you in the workplace.

If you feel pressed by a co-worker to share information about yourself that you don't want to reveal, Gibbons says to use a truthful approach. "Tell the co-worker that you value their friendship and that you want a good working relationship but that you don't feel the need to share personal information to achieve that kind of relationship." This boundary-setting is crucial to developing your own private space at work.

But Gibbons counsels that there's an exception. If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with a critical illness, it's important to let co-workers know what's happening. Supervisors, especially, have a genuine need to know and will likely help you maintain your privacy if you take them into your confidence. Be sure to make clear to your boss what information you want released to the general group and what needs to be kept private.

Some experts suggest you determine, in advance, what you would do if you got bad news at work. Who would you confide in? Who would you ask to tell the others in the office? Who would you ask to walk you to the elevator or to your car? When you identify this confidante, agree on some ground rules -- this person will not air your personal laundry on the office grapevine, and you will do the same for him or her.

The office grapevine is often fraught with danger, Gibbons says. "Office gossip is often a way for the group to share anxiety but you have to be careful -- if you participate today, you may well find yourself the topic of conversation tomorrow." Don't feed the gossip grapevine and, if you're a manager, discourage gossip. Gossip can adversely affect morale and productivity.

Setting boundaries and sticking to them in the office setting may be difficult, but Gibbons reminds workers, "You can refrain from divulging personal information and still be a productive member of the team."

Michele Woodward, who writes a regular career column, is an executive recruiter with J. Naylor Cope Company in Washington.

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