Hey. It means 'Respond, if you please.'

The business RSVP

November 23, 2000
Web posted at: 3:48 p.m. EST (2048 GMT)

With Ann Humphries, ETICON

(CNN) -- Not another one.

You can spot those envelopes a mile off, can't you? Kind of squarish, sometimes on the heavy side.

Invitations. 'Tis the season.

•   A business reception.

•   A company party.

•   An office outing.

•   Dinner with the boss for five department heads at that nice restaurant with the harpist. Hm. Remind us to do a profile of a tableside harpist, wonder what that career is like.

•   Family night in the lobby with face-painting (no gifts, please).

•   That corporation-wide nightmare with the hired mimes and the garage band the VP plays in. Remember the year they tried to get through "O, Little Town of Bethlehem" with the mailroom chief's daughter singing on the roof of the building in tin-foil angel wings?

•   And then there's supervisor's annual thing, when the whole staff has to go staggering around the building dressed as shepherds in bathrobes and caroling for the customers.

QUICK VOTE
	How good are you about responding to invitations? I get an A+ on this, Ann would be proud of me. I'm great until about December 15. Then the invitations (and those Harry and David catalogs) usually overpower me. OK, I'm feeling good and guilty now. Guess what my New Year's resolution is going to be. View Results

The worst invitations, of course, have some kind of super-fine confetti or glitter in them. You rip them open, it falls out all over you, your desk, the office carpet. Really makes you want to deck their halls, doesn't it?

And down there at the bottom: RSVP. From the French: Répondez s'il vous plait. "Respond, if you please."

CNN: We were sitting here watching the mail truck drop off about 14 tons of seasonal invitations and Harry and David catalogs. So we invited etiquette specialist Ann Humphries to tell us how to handle business invitations.

Being the president of ETICON, she answered promptly, cordially and decisively. We're staying on her good side by not saying she "RSVP-ed" -- that's an unapproved use of an overused phrase, don't even think about it, buster.

Ann Humphries: Well, we need to look at invitations from the points of view of both the sender and the receiver.

Starting with the sender: I think putting "Acceptances, please" on an invitation is a nice evolutionary thing. Instead of asking everyone to respond. And offer an e-mail address for responses.

It's always preferable to send a personalized invitation. Try to put a stamp on it. See if you can run the envelopes through a printer instead of using labels.

Don't ask for a donation. I've gotten over that. That's the nonprofit world anymore -- a place for you to check, "Sorry I won't be able to make it but here's my tax-deductible contribution of $___.00" -- I know those people work really hard to do their job and compete for contributions but this isn't good form.

Don't make too showy a delivery of the invitation. Keep the guest list discreet. Understand that everyone won't be able to come. Some may simply prefer to keep to themselves. Some executives may not feel comfortable socializing with the staff. In some businesses, you have to be more distant than in others.

Don't put your invitation on green paper with red ink so it's hard to read. And if you hang some all-call invitation on the bulletin board, it better not have an "RSVP" on it.

Now, I'm not going to mandate that those sending out invitations have to go with either "Acceptances, please" or "Regrets only" or "RSVP." But I'll mandate this for the respondent: You just have to let them know whether you're coming. Even if the invitation comes with a bulk-mail stamp and a label. It's still an invitation and they do care if you're coming.

Does anyone get so many invitations that they can't respond? No.

•   When you accept, you thank them for inviting you. If you're not sure, ask what the outside date is on which you can let them know if you can come. It's simply good for your reputation to handle this carefully.

•   If you know you're not going to go, don't over explain. Just say you have other plans. "I know I'll miss a good time, but I can't make it." That's better than a plain, "No, we can't make it." Or the iffy "I might be there" answer.

•   Can you take someone else? The invitation is addressed specifically to you. There are some people and events for which you can call and say, "I have somebody in from out of town and I'll understand if this won't work, but may I bring them with me?" If it's a reception, that's usually OK. But give your host a chance to say, "No, the seating is tight."

And you don't take children unless they're specifically invited.

•   "Who else is coming?" Tricky thing to ask. Maybe you want to know because you want be ready to recognize business contacts you haven't seen in a while. That's OK. But you can ask this only afterward. And not just to find out if Dumb Idiot from work, whom you don't like, is going to be there. It might -- in some cases -- be appropriate to ask if a divorced co-worker, your ex, is going to be there, that might be understood. But not Dumb Idiot.

•   Things happen. Babysitters don't arrive. Cars break down. But don't be a no-show. As soon as you find out, let the host know there's an emergency, especially if it happens in the afternoon. If it's too close to the event or right on top of it, don't bother your host with your little problem, call the next day. But call and apologize. Remember that your nametag might have been lying on that table through the evening, unused. They'll know you weren't there.

YOU'RE INVITED
	Tell us what's on your mind when it comes to issues of career etiquette. Don't know how to handle something? Or someone? Use our handy submission form to let us know.

•   If you've gotten an invitation, don't blab about it. It might hurt others who aren't invited. Like in the playground when you invite Megan home to sleep over with Kimberly standing right there.

•   After the event? This comes under good, better and best etiquette: Best says you send a note. It can be a letter, a postcard, even e-mail. But just a thank-you note that says, "The food was great. And even though Dumb Idiot turned up, I still had a good time." This shows good follow-through.

And a last word about evaluating an invitation, deciding whether to go. The best thing is to decide you're going to go and have a good time -- not dart in and leave early. Look at it as being all positive. Consider the business advantage of being there, the networking, the consistency you show in turning up, and maybe just the pleasure of associates you only see once a year.

It might even be about nice people, stimulating conversation and a chance to find out how their businesses are going. Decide to go. Let them know. Thank them afterward.

And next week: Now that Ann got you into this event by telling you to go -- what do you do when you get there?

Ann Humphries, founder and president of ETICON, Inc. and a Certified Professional Consultant to Management, includes several Fortune 500 companies among her clients. She's been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Fortune and Money, and on CNN, CBS and Lifetime TV. You can contact her at www.eticon.com

-- Interview, Porter Anderson

ETICON

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