Career get-togethers

The business party: Working the room

December 1, 2000
Web posted at: 10:26 a.m. EST (1526 GMT)

With Ann Humphries, ETICON

(CNN) -- Right off the bat, we can agree on one thing: It's Ann Humphries' fault that you now have to turn up at that celery-and-sausage holiday reception your biggest client's sales rep invited you to.

Last week, Humphries exhorted us all to get positive about all these seasonal business invitations. "It might even be about nice people, stimulating conversation and a chance to find out how their businesses are going," she told us. "Decide to go. Let them know." That last bit was about correct RSVP procedures, of course.

QUICK VOTE
	That celery-and-sausage holiday business reception is staring back at you from the calendar. Nervous? Yeah, actually. I really sort of hate this part of work, the holiday social things. I'm sweating. I don't dwell on it, so I'm OK. Not wild about going to these meet-and-greets, but I just save the nerves for five minutes before I get there. No problemo. I'm an office party animal and I look forward to prowling these functions all year long. View Results

Obedient and faithful CNN.com/career reader that you are, you hauled off in a moment of Humphrian abandon and hollered back a radiant "Yes!" to that thing.

Now, what do you do?

CNN: We asked her. "Ann?" we said. "Yes?" she said. "What now?" Of course, being the president of ETICON and always prepared, she agreed to tell us not only what to do at this outing -- but next week, she says she'll tell us what not to do. She's a full-service etiquette specialist, is she not? So who are we to stand in her way? Ann?

Ann Humphries: OK, so you've decided to go to the function. You're going to go and you're going to have a good time.

Let's say you're taking a guest. (Remember, you made sure that was OK with your host first.) Don't sling that guest into foreign territory without prepping them. "Here's who you'll meet. Here's what you'll be talking about. You'll probably meet BooBoo and he does so-and-so."

Some think this is too much trouble but it's part of the deliberate strategy of becoming comfortable at these events when you choose to go. It helps prepare your own mind about being there and what it's going to be like. Even if kids are invited, tell them what's coming and how to behave. That way, you don't have to embarrass them in front of everyone -- "What do you say?"

Think about what you're going to wear. Business casual. Not casual-casual. Unless it's a black-tie event in which case you can show some bare skin in a formal dress. If it's the Chamber of Commerce, dress up a little. If you're the person who sits in the cubicle all day, when it comes time for the event, it's better to overshoot than undershoot the "casual" thing. You can always take off a tie or something.

If you ask a host, they'll usually say, "Oh, it's very casual." Take that with a grain of salt, they're trying to make you feel comfortable. When in doubt, do a little more, not less, in terms of what you wear.

Now, there's a kind of rhythm to these events. And if you suddenly have a lot of them to go to for the season, you may be a little rusty at the beginning. So concentrate as you go to the first ones this year, especially.

Conversation strategy. That's what you want. "What new projects are you working on? What's at the top of your list these days?" Probe for their story. What's different since you saw that inventory manager last year? What's changed in that supplier's market since the previous holiday season? "What's the best thing that happened to you this year? Where'd you bomb? Are you having trouble with this economic climate, too? What's your store traffic like?"

SO SHOW UP ALREADY
	Off you go to that secretarial seasonal soiree, huh? Want to tell us how it went? How about offering us a couple of those don't-do-this things you've discovered through hard experience? Maybe we'll talk about yours next week when Ann Humphries gives us her no-no list. Just use our handy submission form to talk to us. So very easy. Move your fingers on the keyboard: The words happen.

When it gets around to the bowl games and the political talk, don't let it dominate everything else. Don't get into a clique of fans. It separates people out. "What was your best moment this year on that endless trade issue? What was your worst?"

Also be prepared to answer similar questions. Get your story going. Tell it to yourself. "What's a day like for you at the office? Are you spending four hours a day on e-mail like I am?"

Now, about approaching the room. Three minutes -- five minutes, max -- then move to the next person. Rather than trying to touch each person with your presence, I find it's better to have fewer, finer conversations. Talk with one person in each corner so you're moving around but don't try to say hello to everybody there.

Are you there with somebody? Have a secret signal to rescue each other. And don't mingle like twins. Break up. Don't be each other's shadow. She goes to the southwest corner of the room, you go to the northeast. Meet back in the middle in 30 minutes.

Sometimes it's a good strategy to join a group that's talking. Jump on like a merry-go-round. If you see someone coming over, wave them in, reach out and pull them in. But if you're having an intense conversation with somebody you just have to talk to and someone heads your way, just put out a hand and say, "Let me catch up with you in a minute, we're about finished here, this would really bore you." Then finish your business and move on.

If you have to wear a name tag -- and I wish someone would invent something better -- wear it high. Not down on your breast. Put it near your face so the bifocal crowd can read it. Print your name nice and large.

Use the "30-30 rule" on timing. You arrive within 30 minutes of the start. You stay at least 30 minutes. You leave within 30 minutes of the end.

If it's a sit-down dinner party, be on time or very close to it, you could mess up the seating plan if you're not prompt. If it's that celery-and-sausage reception, there's more leeway, use the 30-30 rule. Don't arrive early, especially at a private home. Formality and punctuality are higher priority in private quarters.

And the next day, remember the follow-through. A thank-you note or e-mail or call. Quick but nice. Just say, "It was really nice of you to have us, I know it took a lot to pull that off so well, thanks for inviting us."

And those are the things to do. Next week, the things not to do.

Ann Humphries, founder and president of ETICON, Inc. and a Certified Professional Consultant to Management, includes several Fortune 500 companies among her clients. She's been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Fortune and Money, and on CNN, CBS and Lifetime TV. You can contact her at www.eticon.com.

-- Interview, Porter Anderson

ETICON

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