'Don't wipe the shrimp juice on your clothes'

Survive the party with your career intact

With Ann Humphries, ETICON

(CNN) -- Ever notice how much easier it is to go over the negatives about something than the positives?

Better yet, ever notice that for all our insistence on positive attitudes, we love the dirt? Office gossip, after all, is rarely a chorus of compliments and tributes.

And one of the best ways we know to become the main topic of scorn at the watercooler is to make all the wrong moves at that business soirée -- the one with the mistletoe you must ignore, no matter who's under it.

Last week, we went over the things to do at that holiday business glad-hander. This week, what not to do. Fun stuff, unless you've committed one or more faux pas we'll detail for you. If you have, then by the power vested in CNN.com/career, we absolve you of your sins and are here to get you on the road to righteous career-partying.

QUICK VOTE
	Have you ever seen a co-worker get into some inappropriate behavior at a business social affair? Yes. Not a pretty sight. "Inappropriate" is in the eye of the beholder. Not sure what I saw. No. So far I've been spared. View Results

CNN: Who better to do that than ETICON president and party-perfect etiquette specialist Ann Humphries? We asked her how to avoid ending a career at the inevitable seasonal wingding.

Ann Humphries: First and foremost, never have more than two drinks. Just stop. Remember this is a business social event. Business-casual, not casual-casual. It's not just for fun.

You can't hold a drink and a plate in your left hand. And you need your right hand free for shaking hands. So do the eating first (you want something in your stomach, anyway, before you drink); hold the plate in your left hand, shake hands with your right. Get rid of the plate, get a drink; same routine with the glass -- hold the drink in your left, shake with your right.

•   Don't break in line.

•   Don't double-dip at the table.

•   Don't touch food you don't take.

•   Don't pile your plate so high that people start placing bets on how much you're going to get away with.

•   Don't use a toothpick.

•   Don't wipe the shrimp juice on your clothes. Take a napkin. If you spill something -- especially in a home -- insist that you'll pay to clean the clothes, furniture, carpet, whatever.

•   Don't eat long stringy things (spinach is out), cherry tomatoes, things with seeds in them, and avoid big meatballs. In fact, avoid big food, period.

•   Don't take big bites. Don't talk with too much in your mouth.

•   Don't take your dirty plate back to the same table it came from.

•   Don't stand over the buffet table eating.

•   Don't stand over the trash can eating.

•   Don't say, "I'm bad with names."

•   Don't be bland about introductions. Praise people to each other. Offer something specific about each person, so there's something to talk about: "BooBoo is the one who did so-and-so for our company."

•   Don't use mnemonic devices unless you're sure what you're doing. Remember the case of the guy who addressed a lady as "Ms. Butt," and she informed him, "That's Ms. Bottomslee."

•   Look out for the "color names," always confusing -- Brown, Green, Black, White.

•   Don't slime the room by saying hello to everybody there. You're not that popular. Have fewer, finer conversations.

GOOD FORM
	You remember "good form." Or at least you remember hearing about it, right? Handling yourself graciously in professional social settings like this holiday party we're discussing here. Wearing the right thing. Saying the right thing. Sending a thank-you note. Talk to us about your experiences in good form, and bad. Tell us your issues and we may be able to cover them in "Corporate Class." You can use our handy submission popup here. We think it's a ... good form.

•   On the other hand, don't hide behind the plants. Don't stand in the corner and talk only to people you know.

•   Don't forget your business cards. But don't shove them at everybody, either. Make sure you have clean ones, the ones without your grocery list written on the back.

•   Don't butt in and take over a conversation. Complement what's going on.

•   Don't go without a good story to tell. Don't make it too long a story.

•   Don't talk too long with one person or about one subject.

•   Don't ignore new people. You could be reporting to them in a few months. And don't poison their perceptions of others. Just say the nice stuff.

•   Don't allow inappropriate jokes or language. It's a judgment call: Either take the lighter approach, "Let's change the subject here," or nail them -- "I don't find that helpful.

•   Don't ask every tall person, "Do you play basketball?" I have a friend who's 6 feet, 2 inches. When she gets that question, she says, "No, do you play miniature golf?"

•   Don't say, "Is this your wife?"

•   Don't say, "Are those real?"

•   Don't say, "Are you gay?"

•   Don't tell off your boss or co-workers.

•   Don't open the medicine cabinet. Don't snoop around.

•   Don't be a smoker in a non-smoker's house.

•   Don't be timid if it really bothers you when someone smokes -- say so.

•   Don't chew gum.

•   Don't crunch your ice.

•   Don't arrive or stay late.

•   Don't go on an empty stomach.

•   Don't hold back from intervening if a colleague is getting too drunk. Get a group of friends, if you need to, and say, "Are you seeing BooBoo get loaded over there?" You may have to ask that the bar be closed. If you're at someone's home, you might help the host by standing by the drinks and ward off people who are taking too many -- "We have to be sure there's enough for everybody."

•   Don't let anyone drive drunk.

•   It bears repeating: Never have more than two drinks. Just stop.

Next week: Business gift exchanges.

-- Interview, Porter Anderson

ETICON

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