Marvin Kitman

TV as a rewarding experience

February 9, 2000
Web posted at: 2:06 p.m. EST (1906 GMT)

NEW YORK -- It happened during the Super Bowl of Commercials before it turned into the most exciting drama of the year, winning a Marvy for the last five seconds. It was fourth down and 32 commercials to go. The LifeMinders.com spot said it was ``the world's worst commercial.'' What a breakthough. At last an honest commercial.

But even that one lied. The Muhammad Ali spot was the worst. I had no idea what it was advertising.

There is nothing better than advertising, in terms of a primitive, direct message to the intestines. I have to hold myself back when I see one of those gorgeous commercials. I want to run out and buy it, whatever it might be, if only I could tell from today's commercials.

But in the midst of trying to figure out the subtleties of all the dot-com spots, an epiphany hit me. There should be an all-commercial channel. Why do we need all that other stuff interrupting the endless parade of commercials? And we should get a tax break or something if we watch a certain number of hours.

But then as I was being carried off the field, getting ready to sit for a statue being erected on Madison Avenue in my honor, another idea grabbed me by the face mask and crunched me like a 350-pound nose tackle.

The real breakthrough in television viewing would be to pay viewers for sitting through all the commercials, interrupted by some clips of programs, which is what television is today.

You've heard of pay-per-view TV (PPV)? What I am proposing today is They Pay You TV (TPUTV).

Actually, it's not a totally new idea. It was first formulated in 1991 by Al Levin, an independent documentary producer and a media visionary who is the Marshall McLuhan of the 21st century. Paying the viewer is an economic idea that makes Steve Forbes' flat-tax theory seem like small potatoes.

There are three certain things in life: death, taxes and television viewing, as I believe Benjamin Franklin first wrote. We are all tied to the tube. Without us, the TV world would collapse.

``We are all slaves to the screen,'' argues Levin. ``But the march of progress has made servitude illegal. The 14th Amendment outlawed bondage. For the hours spent watching and dutifully absorbing these messages, viewers can legally insist on compensation.''

``You can redefine the American Way,'' Levin explained, ``with a single profound pronouncement: Viewers must be paid for watching TV. We spend billions on public education, but when it comes to the most important lesson of all -- how to be better bargain-hunting, advertising-inspired consumers -- we leave viewers on their own.''

Advertisers and their fellow-traveling networks have measured us and standardized us with their Nielsens. They have crunched our viewing habits by sex, age, income, geography and other demographics. The only thing that never occurred to them is to pay us.

For too long, Levin argues, they have taken us for granted. We have been too passive. Just as they can't take women and other minorities for granted any longer, they can't take the mighty force of TV viewers for granted. People who stay at home and watch are the bedrock of the system. Come to think of it, we already have been working for them all these years. TV viewers are the most exploited workers in the world. We, the viewers, created all the fine homes in Malibu, swimming pools, limos, ranches half the size of Montana. It's all from the sweat of the exploited TV peons who sit at home in their Barcaloungers, watching sometimes 18 or 20 hours a day.

I support the movement's basic position: We Must Be Paid for Our Labor. It's a logical demand for services rendered. Advertisers pay the broadcaster to deliver an audience. But if legions of loyal viewers didn't tune in -- splat go retail sales. Catastrophe.

Buying is the backbone of life in the USA. Shopping is a form of patriotism. Credit cards are weapons. Consumption makes America strong. Those who absorb the commercials and storm the malls are soldiers of prosperity. They should be rewarded.

``When viewers dis' the commercials,'' explained media guru Levin, ``it is worse than heresy. They are thumbing their noses at the sales pitch -- the hard sell -- which is what made our nation great. Watching TV is not an indulgence. It is your duty. If we want to build an even greater country, the 15-second spot is as vital to our society as the Constitution or dental floss. Keeping the nation glued to the tube and paying viewers to watch is the best way to continued prosperity. Life as one continual shopping spree.''

They Pay You TV will put new billions into the public's buying power. Production, profits and employment will rise, and good times will prevail. They Pay You TV will silence the doomsters who predict a stock market dive is in the offing.

People will no longer feel guilty watching TV eight or 10 hours a day. They will feel patriotic. Just by sitting there and snacking on what they see advertised, they are helping the nation prosper.

And it will do wonders for the bane of commercial television today, the vanishing audience. TPUTV certainly will do a lot more to stop audience erosion than the February sweeps.

Of course, there are problems inherent in TPUTV. There has to be some kind of electronic proof of how much time is spent actually watching. Computers make it viable, a useful byproduct of ``the wired nation.''

And we don't want people deliberately sitting at home collecting fees as if it were some kind of dole. There are always a certain number of people who would thwart any system. That's the price you pay for opening up the economy. Admittedly, TPUTV might add to the cost of broadcasting and cable. But that can be laid on advertisers. There is no such thing as a free lunch.

I realize all of this is a staggering thought. They Pay You TV could electrify the country. Get the economy moving too fast, or stop even a slight recession in the months to come. But we are a great innovative people. TPUTV is an idea whose time has come, as shocking as it might be to certain entrenched, greedy media billionaires who want it all for themselves.

Remember, just a while back the 40-hour week and overtime pay were zany ideas. Imagine earning money for watching TV? What a way to start the new millennium, which really starts at the end of the year. The concept is galactic. What do you think?

The cost of advertising during the Super Bowl
The Ad Critic
Super Bowl Commercial Archives

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