Excerpt: 'Dream Catcher'

September 7, 2000
Web posted at: 4:03 p.m. EDT (2003 GMT)

By Margaret A. Salinger
Washington Square Press
Nonfiction/Memoir
448 pages

In her much-anticipated memoir, Margaret A. Salinger writes about life with her famously reclusive father, J.D. Salinger -- offering a rare look into the man and the myth, what it is like to be his daughter, and the effect of such a charismatic figure on the girls and women closest to him.

Those little eyes so helpless and appealing,
one day will flash and send you crashing through the ceiling. ("Thank Heaven for Little Girls," from "Gigi")

The night my parents met, her eyes shone like a beacon across the room. She was wearing a midblue linen dress with a darker blue velvet collar, simple and elegant as a wild iris. "God, I loved that dress. I was a model for a designer called Nan Duskin that summer in New York. She let me keep it at the end of the season...said it was made for me. And it was, it matched my eyes perfectly. I've never worn anything more beautiful in my life."

"You wore a gown of gold..."
"I wore blue that night, and the month was June." ("I Remember It Well," from "Gigi")

Jerry, at thirty-one, was nearly twice her age and was quite simply, or rather, quite complicatedly, tall, dark, and handsome. My father captures his own image, refracted through the eyes of his beloved, fictional Glass family. Under the guise of Buddy Glass as the purported author of "Seymour: An Introduction," he writes that several members of the Glass family, including himself, have eyes that "could all be rather bashfully described as extra-dark oxtail in color, or Plaintive Jewish Brown." What I can tell you as his daughter, without the bashfulness of a male narrator, or the self-consciousness of a person looking at his own image in the mirror, is that my father's eyes are absolutely beautiful, with thick, long, black eyelashes -- inherited by my brother and, a generation later, by my son; the kind that women in the park, peeking into a carriage, click their tongues over and say, "Why is it always the boys who get those gorgeous long lashes?"

	ALSO
J.D. Salinger's daughter Margaret describes life with father in 'Dream Catcher'

Buddy, continuing to describe or "introduce" his revered, dead brother, Seymour, writes: "...he had very wiry black hair. The word is almost kinky, but not quite;...It was most exceedingly pullable-looking hair, and pulled it surely got; the babies in the family always automatically reached for it, even before the nose, which, God wot, was also Outstanding."

When Jerry and Claire saw each other from across the room at the Steegmullers' party, Claire was dumbstruck. They had each brought a date to the party, "so we couldn't really talk much," she told me. Every time she looked up, though, their eyes seemed to meet and she felt herself blush, afraid he might think she was rather forward. The next day Jerry phoned the hostess to thank her, and to ask her about that beautiful girl in the blue dress. She gave him Claire's address at Shipley.

The next week, Claire received a letter from Jerry. She wrote a letter to him in return, agonizing over it, afraid she might not sound clever enough to a real writer. He telephoned and wrote to her off and on throughout the 1950-51 school year. She knew from his letters that he was hard at work finishing a novel. She thinks he changed the school that Holden's friend Jane Gallagher attended to Shipley for her. "It was the sort of thing he'd do, but I was too in awe and on my best behavior to ask."

She knew, too, that Jerry was seriously considering becoming a monk. He had become friends with Daisetz Suzuki and meditated, he told her, at a Zen center in the Thousand Islands. The next year, when "The Catcher in the Rye" was published, he abruptly switched to Vedanta and often studied with Swami Nikhilananda at the Vedanta center in the East Nineties. But he had already met Claire.

"That's right," Teddy said. "I met a lady, and I sort of stopped meditating." He took his arms down from the armrests, and tucked his hands, as if to keep them warm, under his thighs. "I would have had to take another body and come back to earth again anyway -- I mean I wasn't so spiritually advanced that I could have died, if I hadn't met that lady, and then gone straight to Brahma and never again have to come back to earth. But I wouldn't have had to get incarnated in an American body if I hadn't met that lady." ("Teddy" in "Nine Stories," JDS)

When Claire came home to New York from Shipley for the summer, they started seeing each other. This was soon interrupted when each left for Europe, Jerry to the British Isles, to avoid being in America for the publication of "The Catcher." "It's a goddam embarrassment, publishing," he once said to a fellow writer. "The poor boob who lets himself in for it might as well walk down Madison Avenue with his pants down."

Claire went to Italy, to be with her dying father. It did not come as a surprise to anyone who knew her father that old age finally caught up with Robert Langdon Douglas, or RLD as he was called by friends. He was nearly seventy when Claire, the last of his fifteen or so children, was born in 1933. Baron's "Knights and Peerage" records nine of them. By the time she can remember him, he was suffering from senile dementia. She told me once, at an age when I, too, would have "died" of embarrassment, that in the middle of a formal dinner party at their home in London, he boomed across the table in his plummy churchman's voice, "Claire, have you moved your bowels today?"

RLD's final years were characterized by similar occurrences of progressive unpredictability; however, his decision to repair to Italy to spend his last days rather than to the Black Douglas Clan's lair in Scotland was well considered. Two divergent paths of his long life led him, at the end, to San Girolamo, a convent and nursing home for retired clergy, high in the hills above Florence. He had been an Anglican priest and had had a parish in Oxford, England, for a time. Several wives and even more offspring later, it was thought best that he find some other mode of employment, and he began his second, highly successful career as an art dealer and historian. "Your grandfather," I've been told, "was largely responsible for putting the early Italian Masters, especially the Sienese, back on the map." He wrote a lovely book on Fra Angelico, and though RLD was dead long before I was born, I used to take great comfort falling asleep beneath Giotto's dark-skinned "Madonna and Child" when, as a young girl, I visited my grandmother in New York. Perhaps RLD did, too; toward the end of his life he converted to Catholicism.

When he died, he was awarded a hero's funeral in Siena, where he is entombed in a great wall. My mother said the whole city turned out in medieval procession that day, with costumes, trumpets, and pageantry, to pay homage to the man who, through his work, had restored such honor to their city. My mother gave me his funeral proclamation by the city of Siena, a two-foot-by-three-foot document worthy of an honorary Italian.

After the funeral, Claire returned to New York. Jerry was back as well and had settled into an apartment on Fifty-seventh Street. When Claire first saw it, she was speechless. It was, she told me, "one of those partly underground, ground-floor places, very underwater feeling. The whole apartment was black and white. I was appalled, frightened, excited, bug-eyed at the black sheets on his bed. They were the height of sophistication and depravity to me. For Jerry, though, I think the black sheets and the black bookshelves, black coffee table, and so on matched his depression. He really had black holes where he could hardly move, barely talk."

Claire would stay the night with him on those black sheets, but they were not intimate. Jerry was very involved with Vivekananda's Vedanta center at the time, she told me, and as his character Teddy said, meeting a woman was heading in the wrong direction for enlightenment. Sri Ramakrishna, Swami Vivekananda's guru and predecessor, expressed the same opinion, though more forcibly, in his book "The Gospels of Sri Ramakrishna" (which my father sent to his British publisher, Hamish Hamilton, as the only thing worth reading), saying:

A man may live in a mountain cave, smear his body with ashes, observe fasts, and practice austere discipline, but if his mind dwells on worldly objects, on "woman and gold," I say, "Shame on him!" "Woman and gold" are the most fearsome enemies of the enlightened way, and woman rather more than gold, since it is woman that creates the need for gold. For woman one man becomes the slave of another, and so loses his freedom. Then he can not act as he likes.

When a disciple of Ramakrishna's confesses that he has been enjoying sexual intercourse with his wife, Ramakrishna replies, "Aren't you ashamed of yourself? You have children, and still you enjoy intercourse with your wife. Don't you hate yourself for thus leading an animal life? Don't you hate yourself for dallying with a body which contains only blood, phlegm, filth, and excreta?"

The summer after her freshman year at Radcliffe, Claire was back in New York, where she had a summer job as a model for Lord & Taylor. She was careful to hide this from Jerry: "Your father would not have approved, all that vain, worldly, women-and-clothes stuff...I didn't dare tell him."

Around the time Jerry began seeing Claire, he went on a couple of dates with Leila Hadley, a writer, whom he met through his friend S. J. Perelman. When Ms. Hadley saw that same apartment on East Fifty-seventh Street, she described it as "extremely bare":

There was just a lamp and an artist's drawing board. He used to do rather good sketches, and when I read "De Daumier-Smith's Blue Period," I was sure he had based the hero on himself. On the wall of his apartment there was a picture of himself in uniform.

In contrast to the young Claire, who was "too in awe and on my best behavior to ask" any personal questions, Ms. Hadley was confident enough, mature enough, to ask him questions and offer her own opinions rather than reflect his own. She said that Jerry "never talked about himself and he resented any personal questions -- about his family, or his background...[He] was not easy to be with." Their relationship was a brief one.

This resentment of questions about family and background, about connections from island to mainland, runs like a mother lode through our family. (Recall the opening of "The Catcher in the Rye": "If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me...my parents would have about two hemorrhages apiece if I told anything pretty personal about them. They're quite touchy about anything like that, especially my father.") My aunt Doris -- Daddy's only sister -- and I were talking recently about being raised not to ask any questions, and most especially, not to ask questions about one's background, or as Holden put it, how one's parents "were occupied and all before they had" you. Doris told me that by the time she was about seven, shortly after her brother was born, she had "learned enough about the birds and the bees" to figure out that her mother, Miriam, must have had parents. One day she said, "Mother, you "must" have a mother and daddy somewhere. Where are they?"

Her mother snapped, "People die, don't they?"

That's it. That was all she said. Doris heard from one of her aunts on the Salinger side that Miriam was heartbroken when, years later, her mother actually did die. Miriam never said a word about it to Doris though. Later that same year Doris saw her mother packing a box full of their baby clothes. Thinking they might be for her mysterious family, Doris asked her whom she was sending them to. "It is none of your business," she was told with a glare.

"Well, I just shut up and took it like I always did," Doris told me.

She has heard a whisper say,
A curse is on her if she stay
To look down to Camelot.

Washington Square Press (Simon & Schuster)

Note: Pages will open in a new browser window

External sites are not endorsed by CNN Interactive.