Keep your tattoos to yourself, please

With Ann Humphries, ETICON

(CNN) -- One of the great things about ETICON'S Ann Humphries is that she's always several steps ahead of you on these issues of career etiquette she knows so well.

The latest case in point: A reader had asked us what to do about overfamiliarity at work -- that co-worker who calls you by your first name before you've even figured out who she is.

CNN: Once we'd run the question past, uh, Ms. Humphries, the usual value-laden answer was forthcoming in a hurry.

Ann Humphries: Look, we're in a really casual society, but don't let that delude you into thinking it's all that casual in business. I was reading lately about someone talking about the new economy, saying, "Maybe we all dress in cutoffs, but don't let that make you think we don't expect hard work out of you."

And overfamiliarity in business goes way beyond calling someone you work with by his or her first name before you've become colleagues on that level.

QUICKVOTE Does overfamiliarity at work bother you? Not in the least. The less formal we are, the better I like it. Depends on the place, the person, the situation, the weather, what I ate for lunch, the color of your necktie ... Who wants to know? View Results

Let me tell you what overfamiliarity is.

•   You see overfamiliarity in the employee three seats away from you who has a nickname for everybody. The one who assumes "Cathy" is OK for "Catherine," "Dave" for "David," "Bobby" for "Robert" -- and pretty soon you're into "Shorty" and "Bubba" and "Hey, Egypt" for someone who just happened to live in Cairo once. Cairo, Georgia.

You go to a reunion years later and what are you supposed to call this now-professional former colleague? -- Dr. BooBoo?

•   You see overfamiliarity in the co-worker who assumes he or she knows what you're going to say before you can get it out. This person glazes over, never hears the full story. This has to do with not really doing the job but only going through the motions. These people see you as a number, not a real person.

•   It's overfamiliarity when your boss asks you to do more than is right. "He won't mind staying until midnight." "She won't mind moving her vacation." That's overfamiliarity.

•   Another form of overfamiliarity: Getting people at the last minute, asking for favors, assuming they won't be inconvenienced, invading their private space, rummaging through drawers, using someone's equipment without permission. If someone changes your settings, even on a shared printer, that can be an overly familiar and inappropriate action.

•   Leaving trash around where everyone else has to work -- that's overfamiliarity, too.

•   So is keeping your cell phone ringer set too loud so that it startles and bothers everybody when it goes off.

•   Borrowing things without asking.

•   Passing along stories that shouldn't be passed along. Assuming the other person even wants to hear whatever scuttlebutt you've got. Is this stuff you need to reveal about a co-worker? Disparaging remarks are a key form of overfamiliarity. Sometimes it comes out as sarcastic humor that's just not correct from someone who doesn't know you very well.

•   Your "personal packaging" can be emblematic of overfamiliarity. How you sit, how you dress for situations, thinking you can underdress and "just wing it."

•   Speaking of "winging it," another form of overfamiliarity is assuming you're prepared for things you've spent no time on -- not prepping for work as you need to.

•   Asking personal questions can be a very off-putting form of overfamiliarity. "How much did that cost?" -- can you believe people ask that? "When are you having children?" Worst of all: "Are those real?"

HAVE WE MET? The nice thing is we're not on the phone at dinner time calling you to ask for your Corporate Class ideas and using your first name as if we'd known you all our lives. Ann Humphries, we found out, reserves special condemnation for overly familiar telephone solicitors. Far be it from us to go such a route. Instead, we ask only that you click here if you'd like to share with us an idea for a Corporate Class column. Thank you -- sir or ma'am.

•   Is your way of dressing provocative? If it is and you're going to work, then you're being overly familiar with your cohorts.

•   Overfamiliarity even extends to information and tasks you don't know as well as you're suggesting to your colleagues -- thinking you know how to do a certain job and you don't.

•   Conversely, overfamiliarity can be underachieving: Maybe you socialize all day at the office instead of getting down to the work you're being paid to do. You're not pulling your weight and you're bothering your cohorts with a lot of superfluous chatter.

And beware letting yourself become co-opted into overfamiliarity. It happens as soon as you overlook an infraction on someone else's part. If you let them get away with calling you that ridiculous nickname -- if you don't correct them right off the bat -- you've given in and become part of the overfamiliarity.

Don't assume that being "nice" means accepting whatever overfamiliarity comes your way. Set your own limits and enforce them -- cordially, of course, but firmly.

Before you become "Binky" for life.

Next week: Honorifics in career life.

South Carolina Gov. Jim Hodges has named Ann Humphries, founder and president of ETICON Inc., one of seven South Carolina Women of Achievement. Humphries, who's based in Columbia, is a Certified Professional Consultant to Management. Her clients have included several Fortune 500 companies. She's been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Fortune and Money, and on CNN, CBS and Lifetime TV. You can contact her at www.eticon.com.