Schools lax in tackling touchy subject?
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Rothman teaches sexual education to fourth graders
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Educator, author: Teach sex education earlier
April 18, 2001
Web posted at: 3:18 PM EDT (1918 GMT)
From Kathy Slobogin
CNN Washington Bureau
BALTIMORE, Maryland (CNN) -- The young ones call her "The Sex Lady," and after 25 years of teaching sex education, Deborah Roffman has earned her unofficial title.
Roffman, an author and instructor at Park School outside of Baltimore, said she believes children are ready for sexual information much earlier than adults think they are. She starts teaching the basics in fourth grade.
Roffman contends that most sex-ed courses in schools are "remedial" -- at least six years behind the students in terms of their physical development. And while many public opinion polls show most Americans want comprehensive sex education for their children, she said, many schools seem to be moving in the opposite direction.
A quarter of high school sex-ed instructors teach the "abstinence only" model, according to a recent survey in the journal Family Planning Perspectives. Roffman thinks that is too little, too late."We have to face the fact … that 50 percent of teenagers...have already had sexual intercourse," Roffman said. "So for that group of teens -- if they are sitting in our classroom and we are only teaching an abstinence message -- where have we left them?"
There is a reason that most schools stress abstinence-only and are slow in teaching sex education, said Roffman, author of "Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking Sense About Sex" (Perseus Books).
"If you ask most people, they will tell you that when they were young and they were growing up and this subject came up in their family, everybody got tense," she said. "Nobody really wanted to talk about it."
What to say, when
In her book, published in December, Roffman maintains that sexuality is about people -- not body parts.
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Deborah Roffman
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"It's not about fallopian tubes." Roffman said. "…It's about life. It's about decisions. It's about values."
Some studies indicate that young people from families that discuss sex openly are less likely to engage so quickly in sex themselves, Roffman said.
"Children in those kinds of families grow up slower," she says. "…They tend to delay first intercourse, for example. And if, and when, they become involved in that or other sexual activity, they tend to do so much more responsibly, with greater forethought."
Parents should take cues from their children in discussing sex, keeping in mind the youngsters' age and maturity, said Roffman.
"For example, a 4-year-old may ask, 'Where did I come from?' They don't need a whole discussion on sperm and egg and all those things," Roffman said. "They literally want to know where. And the proper answer is, 'You came from a special place inside Mom called her uterus.' That's all they want to know."
How can parents keep the sex conversation going through adolescence?
"Parents at that stage have to remember that kids really do need and want us," Roffman said. "Teen-agers are not short adults. They still need adults as a sounding board, as a guide."
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