Tying the knot? Slip the traditional

"How can I talk you out of this?"

That was the response a prominent New York-based surgeon (who shall remain nameless) got after she called her aunt to announce her engagement and ask for the older woman's guidance in planning the wedding.

Contrary to what you must be thinking, the doctor was marrying a perfectly wonderful man. And the aunt she'd turned to was one of the city's premiere wedding planners. So what was the problem?

Simply put, the aunt had "been there, done that" and wanted to spare her dearly beloved niece the cost... the anguish... and the drama of staging a dream wedding. This, from a woman who knew how to handle herself inside the belly of the beast.

"How can I talk you out of this?" If only someone had shared such wisdom with Julie Simon as she set out on the road to Happily Ever After...

"You get into the mode of 'this is a once-in-a-lifetime event' -- and believe me, the professionals in the wedding industry are all too aware of your vulnerability!" said the singer/ songwriter. "We went from wanting everything to be special and unique to wanting everything to be the best. It gets insane!"

INSTYLE.COM What's Hot Now? Beauty items from the sea  Party Hopper: Woody Allen's 'Hollywood Ending'  premier   PEOPLE.COM Star Trends: Lace in black is back

In time, Julie and her fiance Christopher (both members of a band at the time) came to the conclusion that their fantasy wedding on Martha's Vineyard "just didn't fit in to our lifestyle... not to mention our budget!"

Then the couple had a breakthrough: deciding to turn their engagement party into the wedding.

"Everything they say about needing months to put together a wedding -- it's not really true. We had a beautiful, incredible wedding in my parents living room with gorgeous flowers and wonderful food -- and we only had 35 people! Everyone who was there said they felt the room was sprinkled with pixie dust."

Small wonder, considering that only a few people present that night knew that a wedding was going to take place. In fact, only when Julie and Chris swapped their party clothes (shortly after dinner) for a wedding gown and tuxedo were any eyebrows raised.

"I think it's really hard to do this kind of small wedding any other way than as a surprise" explained the bride. "Remember -- we never even wrote invitations! Once you get into the invitation thing, you're a goner!

Secrecy is practically a staple in the world of celebrity weddings, as was the case when John F. Kennedy, Jr. and Carolyn Bessette exchanged vows on Georgia's Cumberland Island in 1996. But what Charley Roney observes among the general public, as editor of theknot.com, is a growing "quest to personalize weddings".

This, in part, is what motivated Clara's (not her real name) plan to elope to the Bahamas this summer. "We wanted something that would represent just us... not a cookie-cutter wedding" explains the producer. "I've been to too many ceremonies where the bride doesn't even look like herself. And I don't want to be one of those 'brides in the glass bubble' on the most important day of my life."

"We want to be able to look back, one day, and say to our kids 'Guess what mommy and daddy did?' It's the ultimate inside joke!"

But the kids will have to remain tight-lipped -- because Clara and her fiance have no intention of telling anyone what they've done. Ever!

"That would break my mother's heart" concedes the conflicted bride-to-be. "When you are a bride, everyone has a piece of you. And everyone else's dream starts crowding out your desires. I'm from a family of extroverts. I adore my mom, but I know her. She will turn this wedding into Showtime at the Apollo".

So, why have two weddings? "That way", explains Clara, "my husband (who is a very private person) can have the wedding of his dreams this summer; and my mother can have the wedding of her dreams next summer."

Clara admits that she's prone to second thoughts like: "Will I regret this decision as I'm putting flowers in my hair, all alone, on my wedding day?" But Scott Shaw (author of 'Let's Elope') has some encouraging news.

"Fifty percent of TBW (traditional big wedding veterans) interviewed said they wished they'd eloped. But not a single eloper wished they'd done a TBW."

Shaw's co-author, Lynn Beahan (she and Shaw wrote the book based on personal experience) adds: "When we tell our story, people often say 'I wish we did that. That really fits our style...but so and so wanted us to do this...' "

Ah, the things we do for love...

However you choose to celebrate yours, try to remember three things. Where weddings are concerned: there are no mistakes, only plastic should be perfect and it's fun to color outside the lines.

Mazel tov!

Tom Carroll, a vice president at Tiffany & Co. reports that "many brides are foregoing the diamond engagement ring in favor of a simple diamond band. Stacking is popular: as women alternate thin metal bands with diamond bands.

We've also seen more interest in engagement rings that feature a colored stones (like sapphires and rubies) in the center, framed by diamonds."

And, art deco styles have made a comeback, adds Carroll. "Unlike most contemporary engagement rings -- these rings are more about the design than about the diamond."

Gone are the days of one-size-fits-all weddings...

In fact, as the world gets smaller, Modern Bride Magazine editor-in-chief Antonia van der Meer said people are seeking a more unique approach to weddings.

"People aren't marrying into families that are exactly the same as their own. They are looking for new ways to combine different religions, beliefs, cultures, foods, traditions. To do this, they have to be a little creative.

"People are turning away from the more formal, traditionally posed wedding photos to a more intimate and natural approach," said NY-based lens man James Levine.

"I very rarely have clients who want posed group shots before the wedding. They'd rather I capture the quiet moments -- a stolen kiss between the bride and groom before they enter their reception as a married couple."

Elopers take note! All couples will tell you the same thing: "the day goes by in a flash". So consider having someone on hand to document the day on film.